NUMBERS
Recorded by Bobby Bare
Written by Shel Silverstein
G D
I was sittin' here Friday suppin' on a glass of wine
G
When in walked a chick who almost struck me blind
C
She had wet blue eyes and her legs were long and fine
D G
On a scale of ONE to TEN (pause) I'd give her a NINE.
G D
Now on my scale there ain't no TEN's, you know
G
NINE is about as far as any chick can go
C
So I flashed her a smile, but she didn't even look at me
D G
So for brains and good judgement, give her a THREE.
G D
I said, hey sweet thing, you look like a possible EIGHT
G
You and me could, uh! make EIGHTEEN, if your head's on straight
C
She looked up and down my perfect frame
D G
And said these words that burned into my perfect brain.
G D
She said, well, another one of those macho Texas men
G
Tryin' to grade all women on scales of ONE to TEN
C
And, uh!, you give me an EIGHT, well, that's a generous thing to do
D G
Now, let's just see, just how much I give you.
(CHANGE TO KEY OF A)
A E
She said you comin' on to me with that phony NUMBERS jive
A
Your style makes me smile, I give it a FIVE
D
When you walked up I noticed that suit of (yores)
E A
It's last year's double knit-french cuffs, give it a FOUR.
A E
That must be your car parked out on the curb
A
That 'SIXTY-NINE homemade convertible, A THREE and A THIRD
D
I saw that build, I guess (yore) less than FIVE
E A
Said, for your pot belly, I'd give that a TEN for size.
A E
That wine you're pourin' might be fine to you
A
But I'm used to fine champagne, I give it a TWO
D
It's hard to tell what your flashin' smile is worth
E A
I give it a SIX, you could use some dental work.
A E
But, It's your struttin' rooster act that really makes me laugh
A
It may be a TEN to these country hens, but to me a THREE and A HALF
D
And there really ain't much to add once the subtractin's done
E A
And since there ain't no ZEROes, I give you a ONE.
A E
She walked out, while up and down the line
A
The whole bar was laughin', sayin' BARE, what happened to your NINE
D
NINE says I, hell soon as she started to talk I knew
E A
She didn't have no class, I barely gave her a TWO.
(TALK) Yeah! No matter how good they look at first
There's flaws in all of them
That's why on a scale of TEN to ONE, friend
There ain't no TEN.
