This is tabbed from the "Never Mind the Hotpots" live album, so I've put in
Bernard's ad-lib vocals.
You can use a capo on the 5th fret or just use barre chords 'centred around the 5th fret.
It's made up of 3 chords D, Em7, and A. The lyrics within the speech marks are
'sung' in a 'female's' voice.
The basic pattern is:
D, Em7, A, D, D, Em7, A, A
To get the gist of the rhythmn and chord changes, just listen to the song.
D
I've got a confession to make,
Em7
For a man of my age,
A
Now young lads play with it all the time,
D
They think it's all the rage,
D
They do it in their bedrooms,
Em7
When their mum and dads in bed,
A
Grown men like me shouldn't do it,
A
'Cause we've got wives instead,
D
I've tried talkin' to the wife,
Em7
But she doesn't understand,
A
The pleasure that it gives me,
D
When I hold it in me hand,
D
The longer I play wi' it,
Em7
The more it gets 'ard,
A
Especially when y've got n' memory on yer memory card!
Bridge:
D
Dirty! You were thinkin' about somethin' else, I can tell!
D
It started one day,
Em7
I got a bonus from work,
A
Two hundred pounds,
D
Oh the wife she went berzerk,
D
'Cause she sent me down to B&Q,
Em7
To go and buy some shelves,
A
But I spent the cash in gamestation,
A
And she played merry hell!
D Em7
See I got meself a PSP wi' a couple o' great games,
A
And ever since I've bought it,
D
Life hasn't been the same,
D Em7
Well she wants me't do the gutters, "It'd only take a day",
A
But now I'm wastin' all me time playin' GTA
D Em7
Oh me PSP, me PSP,
A
It really is fantastic,
D
It is the one for me,
D Em7
When I saw it in the shop just sittin' on a shelf,
A
'Cause now I get so much pleasure playin with meself,
D Em7
I've tried talkin' to the wife but she doesn't understand,
D
The pleasure that it gives me when I 'old it in me 'and,
D Em7
The longer I play wi'it the more it gets 'ard,
A
Especially when y've got n' memory on yer memory card!!
D
Right
D Em7
But wife is gettin' fed up now I never come to bed,
A D
I just sit on the sofa and play fifa instead,
D Em7
She puts on sexy underwear and gives me come-to-bed eyes,
A
But the kid down't road I've got to beat him he's on to level five!
D Em7
Oh me PSP, me PSP,
A
It really is fantastic,
D
It is the one for me,
D Em7
Glad I saw it in the shop just sittin' on a shelf,
A
'Cause now I get so much pleasure playin with meself,
D Em7
I've tried talkin' to the wife but she doesn't understand,
A D
The pleasure that it gives me when I 'old it in me 'and,
D Em7
The longer I play wi'it the more it gets 'ard,
A
Especially when y've got n' memory on yer memory card!!
D
Right, Left, left, left, left, I'm pressin' it jean, I'm bloody pressin' it!!
D Em7
And then one night when me 'n wife are cosy lay in bed,
A D
She whispered softly in me ear and this is what she said;
D Em7
"Darlin' I've been thinkin'", (what about)? "'bout our bedroom fun",
A
"And the pleasure that you get, by movin just yer thumb", Dirty
D Em7
"Well I bought mesell a present" What yer got? "To keep me entertained"
Selfish
A D
"I'll confess that it takes batteries" Oh "But I'm sure you wont complain" Right
D
I couldn't think of what she'd bought,
Em7
But I didn't have to guess,
A
Cause right then she pulled it out - a nintendo D.S!
D Em7
I tried talkin' to the wife and now she understands,
A D
The pleasure that it gives her when she 'olds it in 'er 'and,
D Em7
The longer she plays wi'it the more it gets 'ard,
A
Especially when shes got n' memory on 'er memory card!!
