G D G
Darts in soap operas, oh so wrong, oh so wrong
D G
No one's scoring and there's too much chat between easch throw
D G
Worse than this though is when cheers are raised for the bull
D
Granted, bull's a double and an out but I know that they don't
Am D Am D Am D D7
Know their boards; I propose no soap darts.
G D G
Is your child hyperactive or is he perhaps a twat?
D G
Sometimes I like to watch wave rage down on Fistral Beach
D G
Last Ash Wednesday I had tantric sex and it was shit
D
Next Ash Wednesday I might strive to lick my elbow;
Am D Am D Am D D7
Strive in vain, for they say few succeed.
G D
I wrote to the Horse and Hounds to gloat over whay I'd done
G D
I stored their magazine in a data retrieval system
G
Well let's face it what're they going to do?
D
It's not as if they know where I live
G D
And anyway I cut the caper back in 1984
G D
Heartbroken Matrons on joyless beds
G D
For those whose souls the iron has entered
G D
And if I get to Heaven's gate I'll doubtless have to wait
G D
While St. Peter investigates the inevitable asterisk
G D
The inside of a Halex Three Star table-tennis ball
G D G
Smells much like you'd expect it to.
