Tim Minchin - 10 foot cock and a few hundred virgins
from DVD: So Live!
[Chords]
Baddb9 x24542
C#dim7 x45353
E/F# 2x2100
E/G 3x2100
E/G# 4x2100
Am7 x02010
D6 xx0202
B/C x34442 or x3444x
Ammaj7 x02110
Am7add13 x04010
Emmaj7 021000
Em7 020000
Em6 042000
Cmaj7 032000
Em/Bb 012000
E9 020102
Dbadd#11 x4302x
Dadd11 x5403x
[Intro]
Em
So you're gonna live in Paradise, ... with a ten-foot cock and a few hundred virgins.
[Verse 1] (4/4)
Em B Baddb9 B
So you're gonna live in Paradise,
Em
With a ten-foot cock and a few hundred virgins,
B Baddb9 B
So you're gonna sacrifice your life
C
For a ride on a UFO,
C#dim7 D E E/F# E/G E/G#
And when the Lord comes down with his shimmering chariot of salvation,
Am7 D6 G B C B
You're gonna be the first to know, ouoh.
B/C B
And so if...
[Bridge 1] (7/8)
Em C
God was there from the very beginning
D
He invented men and women,
B7
Then He also invented wanking,
Em
Then He said wanking was sinning.
C
So if I'm feeling randy
D
I'm not allowed to hand-shandy,
B7
But having sex with my family,
[Chorus 1] (6/8)
N.C. C
that is just fucking great.
B Em
It's all there in Ezekial 8,
E7 Am
Just before He opens up His big pearly gate,
Ammaj7 Am7
And says that it's a sin
Am7add13 Em
To take it up the date,
Emmaj7 Em7
Even if it's great,
Em6 C
Even with your cowboy mate.
B B/C B
B B/C B
B
E |--------------------------|
B |-5--4---------------------|
G |-------5--4--2-4-5-4------|
D |---------------------5--4-|
A |--------------------------|
E |--------------------------|
[Verse 2] (4/4)
Em B Baddb9 B
So you're gonna live in Paradise,
Em
With a ten-foot cock and few hundred virgins,
B Baddb9 B
So you're gonna sacrifice your life
C
For a shot at the greener grass,
C#dim7 D E E/F# E/G E/G#
And when the Lord comes down with his shining rod of judgement,
Am7 D6 G B C B
He's gonna kick my heathen arse, ouoh.
B/C B
So if you...
[Bridge 2] (7/8)
Em C
Cover the bodies of your women
D
Everybody is grinning,
B7
Because black is so slimming,
Em
Though it's not great for swimming.
C
But it gives you an erection,
D
With the increased sexual tension,
B7
What with the U.V. protection
[Chorus 2] (6/8)
N.C. C
That is second to none.
B Em
You'll find it all in the Quran
E7 Am
Just next to the bit that justifies guns,
Ammaj7 Am7
And says that it's a sin
Am7add13 Em
To take it up the bum,
Emmaj7 Em7
Even if it's fun,
Em6 C
Even with permission from your mum.
B B/C B
B B/C B
B
E |--------------------------|
B |-5--4---------------------|
G |-------5--4--2-4-5-4------|
D |---------------------5--4-|
A |--------------------------|
E |--------------------------|
[Verse 3] (4/4)
Em B
So you're gonna live in Paradise
Em
With a ten-foot cock and a few hundred virgins,
B
So you're gonna sacrifice your life
C
For a shot at eternity,
C#dim7 D E E/F# E/G E/G#
And when the Lord comes down and I haven't done my penance,
Am7 D6 G B C B
He's gonna disembowel me, ouoh.
B/C B
You say that...
B/Eb B Bm B/Eb
If I...
[Bridge 3] (7/8)
Em C
Stumbled on a watch I'd assume it had a watchmaker,
D
That a muffin presupposes a baker,
B7
So you must agree sooner or later,
Em
That this proves that there's a creator.
C
So if I put my foot in a stinker,
D
You'd assume the existence of a sphincter,
B7
Thus you don't need to be a great thinker
[Chorus 4] (6/8)
C
To coclude that God's a bum,
B Em
Which negates the words of Genesis 1
E7 Am
Which made Him out to be so much fun,
Ammaj7 Am7
Until Adam succumbed
Am7add13 Em
To temptation,
Emmaj7 Em7
And then His only son
Em6 Am
Got nailed to a gum,
Ammaj7 Am7
Or the Middle-Eastern equivalent,
Am7add13 Em
Which suggests that God's omniscience
Emmaj7 Em7
Is nullified by His ambivilance,
Em6 Am
Unless it turns out that He's impotent,
Ammaj7 Am7
And if God can't get a boner,
Am7add13 Em
I guess that explains the plethora
Emmaj7 Em7
Of huge erections in His honour -
Em6 Cmaj7 Em Em/Bb Am
Because we all know a steeple's just a subconscious compensatory manifestation of a huge stiff penis
Ammaj7 Am7
Still He tells us that it's heinous
Am7add13 Em
To stick a penis up your anus,
Emmaj7 Em7
Even if you're famous,
Em6 C
Even if you're good at tennis.
B B/C B
B B/C B
B
E |------------------|
B |-5-4--------------|
G |-----5-4-2-4------|
D |-------------0-1--|
A |------------------|
E |------------------|
[Verse 4] (4/4)
Em C
So you're gonna live in Paradise
B7 Em
Witha ten-foot cock and a few hundred virgins,
C
So you're gonna sacrifice your life
B7 C
For a ride on a UFO,
C#dim7 D Dsus4 E E/F# E/G E/G#
And when the Lord comes down with his big stiff slippery, rod of judgement,
[Outro] (6/8)
Am7 D6 Bm7
I'm gonna be the first to go,
E7 Am7
He's gonna send me down below,
D6 G
He's gonna whip me like his hoe,
E9
You really think so,
Am7 D6 G C Dbadd#11 Dadd11 G
I'm gonna be the first to go.
