The Hot Dog Man by Tripod E B The hot dog man is packing up F# B He's putting all his sauces away E B Scrapes the onion grease into a cup F# B To use again another day E B Other hot dog men might re-use their cheese F# B But never this hot dog man E B He whistles a tune and bobs his head F# B While sweeping out the floor of his van (Same for all the verses) The hot dog man once tried a line In gelati and soft-serve treats But they didn't last long in the bain-marie In amongst the steaming meats The sauce bottle nozzles clog up every day He always is surprised by how much A friend once suggested the sachets But he prefers the personal touch E____________B________A_________B The hot dog man... E____________B________A_________B The hot dog man... The hot dog man attends the normal events Such as concerts and football games Has his regulars at the stadium, He takes the time to learn all their names Whilst he knows it's a professional relationship He always asks about their lives Says, "How are the kids? Is your Mum still well? Hey, tell me when the baby arrives." The hot dog man maintains his van He works on it meticulously He'd have it done by a mechanic, But who would take as much care as he? The hot dog man drops his daughter off At ballet practice three times a week He jokingly asks, "Am I a taxi?" She laughs and smiles and kisses his cheek The hot dog man... The hot dog man... The hot dog man earns a modest amount His overheads are more than you'd think When you add up the cost of his hobby Plus the wholesale price of the drinks The hot dog man has certain needs Not all of which his wife can fulfil He also has his favourite TV shows The one he likes the most is "The Bill" The hot dog man knows his hardware Has certain brands he tends to prefer He's been fitting out his cellar But he's not at all the wine connoisseur The hot dog man drives his hot dog van In circuits 'round the local reserve He drives slowly, but not too slowly And casual, so as not to unnerve The hot dog man... The hot dog man... The hot dog man has a coolroom With independent power supply Has a table on wheels and a light source He performs his operations by The hot dog man's identity Changes every now and again For a time, he was a woman Or at least he wore a woman's skin If you listen hard in the dead of night Is that a scratching sound you can hear? We use the word "evil" so liberally... [Gatesy: STOP... STOP THE F******* SONG! Stop... just stop it. Scod: What? Gatesy: What are you doing to the hot dog... Scod: What? Gatesy: What have you done to him? Scod: What do you mean, "done to him"? Gatesy: You've... Scod: There's a whole range of factors, it wasn't just us. Gatesy: No! Yon: Yeah! Gatesy: No! Yon: I mean, you know, it's a whole "nature versus nurture" issue, really. Scod: It is! Gatesy: It's just... no! Scod: He might have parental problems, who knows? Maybe he's just evil. We just don't know. Gatesy: He doesn't! He doesn't have to be evil, though! Scod: What are you talking about? Gatesy: No, he doesn't. Why can't... here's an idea... ooh, Gatesy! Why don't we... why don't we make the hot dog man a nice hot dog man again, eh? Yon: All right. Gatesy: You know, remember? Aha! Remember...] The hot dog man is packing up He's... twisting all the ties on the bun bags Umm... puts the ice bucket back in the freezer ... where he also keeps the human heads. [Gatesy: NOOOOOO! Yon: I like that! Gatesy: Ohhhh... Scod: Come on... he's a multi-dimensional character, that's all. Yon: Come on, Gatesy - don't you think we're all the hot dog man deep down inside? Gatesy: Noooo... Scod: It's about the complexity of human relationships... and knives.]
